It was just gone midnight when a loud banging on the door woke Fred blogs from his slumber. The banging on the door increased as Fred donned his dressing gown, stepped into his slippers and, bleary eyed, stumbled downstairs to see who was creating the racket on his front door. The sight that confronted him made his mouth drop as he stood shivering on his doorstep totally bemused. For there in front of him stood six burly people, all dressed in forrest green surge with vegan approved green jackboots. On their lapels was what looked like a daisy flower symbol with a lightening bolt coming from it. Fred's heart sank, he knew there and then this was the Eco Stasi making a midnight call at his home. They grabbed him and bundled him into the back of an electric green mafia and headed off to the local Net Zero head quarters where Fred knew he would be interrogated.
His mind raced as they trundled their way, what was he in trouble for? Was it the black market carton of milk he managed to get recently, or was it those sausages he purchased from that spiv? If
so how did they find out? All these things raced through his mind. Suddenly the vehicle stopped and he was hauled off, dragged through a dimly lit building illuminated by just a few 40 watt lightbulbs to save energy, he was then thrown into a pitch black, unheated cell and the door slammed shut leaving poor old Fred totally bemused and frightened. It was about two hours later when the cell door opened and the dim glow of the eco light bulbs drifted, rather than flooded, in. Fred was then hauled off to an interrogation room to face a stern looking character who introduced himself as the Director of the Net Zero Stasi who informed Fredhe was being investigated as there had been reports of him using more energy above his power allowed ration, he also stood accused of tampering with his smart meter, which all citizens had been forced, by law to have in their homes. The Director accused him of interfering with the meter to make it look as if he had used less power than he really had which took him above his allowed power quota.
"We have been looking into your history", the Director informed, "It seems in the past you were a climate change denier, which, as you know, these days is taken as a serious crime on a par with terrorism, in fact, we regard you as a climate denier terrorist". The Director informed Fred they had been delving into Fred's on-line past and had seen him liking articles, in the days before the Energy Bill had been almost unanimously approved by Parliament, that he had been critical of ULEZ, LTN's, Mayor, now Commissioner Khan, and that he had even doubted global warming was happening. The Director looked at Fred and informed him that he thought people like him were despicable and he was being charged with crimes against net zero and climate change, he would face court proceedings in the morning.
Early the following morning, after a cold, sleepless night, Fred's cell door was flung open and he was given a breakfast of cold crickets ad other assorted insect, which had by now replaced all meat and dairy products to cut the methane these creatures produced. Fred had always struggled to eat insects and this particular morning he had no appetite and left his insect breakfast uneaten. Two hours later, in court, he faced the judge, his crimes against net zero were read out and he was asked how he pleaded, guilty or not guilty. He pleaded not guilty and as he had not had the opportunity to organise a defence barrister he was given one by the court. Sadly, the barrister was of little use as he lived in fear of being accused of the same crimes as Fred if he spoke out too forcibly in Fred's defence. Within thirty minutes Fred was found guilty and the judge had sentenced him to 15 years of hard labour. The prison tread-mills of old had been reinstated and were now connected to the
grid in an effort to add power to the struggling national grid. Sadly, the plethora of wind turbines and solar panels could not produce the same quantities of power which the gas, coal fired and nuclear power station had once provided, before they were all closed down for ecological reasons.
As Fred began to tremble at the thought of all those years of misery before him he suddenly awoke from the nightmare he had been having, the banging noise that had set off the dream sequence was the noise of his cat crashing through the cat flap. As he lay there in a cold sweat he wondered what had set that truly bad dream off, was it eating cheese, which in the dream would be banned, or had it been the article he had read by Richard Littlejohn earlier. Surely the Energy bill now passing through Parliament, only opposed by a few MPs, could be be as bad as that, could it?
