Getting married is exciting. But it's important to make sure you're ready for this momentous event.
Just because you are in love with someone now doesn't mean they will make for a good long-term partner.
So before you tie the knot, here are some things you should know:
1. Your spouse isn't going to complete you.
A lot of people enter a marriage expecting their partner to complete them. But this isn't realistic.
You should feel self-worth and self-confidence before you get married. Bringing low self-esteem and other baggage into the marriage will only lead to issues later down the line.
So love yourself first. Then you can better love your partner and they can better love you.
2. Managing expectations is key.
While you might think that you and your partner have similar ideas about marriage, that's not always the case.
So talk openly about what you both expect in a marriage. For example, ask your partner whether they want to have kids and how many or ask about their expectations around sex.
Though it may seem awkward at first, it's important to be on the same page about these things.
3. Their family will become your family.
When you marry another person, you're also marrying into their family. So it's important that you can get along with your future in-laws.
If you don't, in-laws can become a source of heated conflict in your marriage, and neither spouse should feel like they have to cut themself off from their family to be married.
4. You will go through tough times.
Every couple faces challenges at some point. You'll have disagreements, arguments, and even fights from time to time. But you can work through them.
Listen to each other and be honest about any insecurities and vulnerabilities causing conflict. Show empathy and try to see things from the other person's point of view.
Above all, make sure you and your partner are grounded in shared values. When both spouses believe in trust, fidelity, and commitment, they can overcome any obstacle.
5. Getting married takes financial preparation.
Money isn't everything, but you do need some to get married. Think about the wedding, honeymoon, and your new home, especially when considering about 30 year mortgages. All of this must be taken into account in your planning.
And don't forget about the engagement and wedding rings. Rings come at many price points. To save on costs, consider getting your significant other a bridal set, which lets you get a package deal on the engagement ring and wedding band.
6. You need to be transparent with your finances.
Before getting married, you and your partner should disclose all of your personal finances. You probably don't want to marry into a bunch of debt. And even if you do, you'll want to know how much it is upfront.
Finances can be a touchy subject, but if you approach it with respect and sensitivity, your marriage will be stronger for it. After all, money issues are the second leading cause of divorce. So it pays to get on the same page from the get-go.
Discuss whether you will each have individual bank accounts, one shared account, or both. Talk about budgeting and who will be responsible for handling finances. It can save you a lot of heartache in the long run.
7. You and your spouse will have differences and that's okay.
Every individual is different, and that includes you and your significant other. Learn to respect your differences instead of letting them become a source of contention.
A good marriage takes compromise and sacrifice on the other's behalf. Finding the middle ground and building your marriage on mutual respect is key.
8. Successful relationships are built on trust.
No relationship can survive without trust. So communicate often and clearly. Lay a foundation of honesty for your marriage.
You may also want to discuss what constitutes a breach of trust, e.g. cheating, lying, or talking poorly about the other behind their back.
9. Marrying potential is a recipe for disappointment.
Some people rationalize their partner's flaws by saying that they can change. And while this is true, it's not a good strategy going into a marriage.
By expecting your partner to change, you're setting yourself up for disappointment. Plus, you may end up putting unrealistic expectations on them, which could lead to an unhealthy relationship.
Marry your partner for who they are now, not how you wish them to be.
10. The secret to long-lasting marriages is friendship.
Lastly, don't marry a stranger. You should be good friends first.
Relying on physical attraction alone is not enough. Eventually, the honeymoon phase ends and people grow old. At that point, happy marriages are built on friendship more than passion.
Final thoughts
A marriage can be the most rewarding relationship in your life. But it takes work and deep commitment. Make sure you and your partner are on the same page on the points listed above, and you'll be off to a good start!
